The Search for My Grade 5 Teacher.

Since moving to New Westminster, I've had passing thoughts of my Grade 5 teacher, Ms. Gropp. During class, she frequently mentioned that she lives right here. In New West. 

I've thought of reconnecting with her, but never had the courage, thinking I'd be crossing boundaries. That maybe she wouldn't want to be bothered. I even had thoughts that she may not be with us anymore as she was in her 50's back when I was in Grade 5. 

My girlfriend who I work with in one of the policing units gave me the final push tonight. 

She said, "It's worse to live with the regret of not reaching out. Plus, I bet she'd be over the moon to hear from you and to have you tell her what an important influence she was in your life."

Ms. Gropp was a real dragon lady. I remember her giving shit to one of the boys in class for calling me 'hopeless'. "WHO SAID THAT? WHO SAID CLARA IS HOPELESS?? I TELL ALL YOU GUYS, SHE SMARTER THAN ALL OF YOU. YOU GOT NOTHING GOOD TO SAY, THEN GET OUT OF MY CLASS!!  

For all those reading this from East Van, this lady, was a REAL East Van teacher. Attitude and all. She was in her 50's back then. Took no shit from no one. I learned from the best and she was a real source of inspiration. 

I made a facebook search tonight and the profile looks like it could be her. Here's my message to my Grade 5 teacher: 

Is this Ms. Gropp? 

I'm not sure if I have the right person, but I thought i'd give it a shot. 

I'm Clara and you were my Grade 5 teacher at Renfrew Elementary School. I had a music teacher named Ms. Westrom too. I was part of the school singing group too. 

I wanted to reach out to you, one of the early teachers who made a positive and caring contribution to my life. You were aware that I came from a challenging family dynamic and I remembered you finding me crying by a window when school was just about to let out for Summer. 

I wanted to you know that I'm doing okay now and life has been rewarding both emotionally and financially for me. I am a high school counselor now and work as a flight attendant during the Summer. 

I'f i've got the right Ms. Gropp, I'd love to hear from you and hear how you are doing. :)

My winning entry into grad school.

Hi Everyone :) 

After a journey beginning at age 11, it all finally became a reality this past week as I was offered admission into one of the three graduate schools that I've applied to for Counselling Psychology. I was so determined to ensure that I made a positive impression by taking the day off and handing my entire application package in person and conversing with the academic adviser. It was on that day that I met my interviewer for the first time as she was passing by on her lunch break. 

A few days later, all of it came to a head when I was offered an interview. After delivering a hand made mug to the Principal who helped me throughout this journey, I went in to share my story and childhood aspirations with Dr. Taggart. 

I'd like to share with everyone the short letter of intent I wrote supporting my dedication towards the counselling profession along with the interest and determination originating from childhood. Here it is: 

Dear Admissions Committee,

My name is Clara Mai Yan . I am currently a resource and skill development teacher where I help students discover their learning styles, personal strengths and foster their confidence in learning. Prior to holding my current position, I spent two years at the Canadian International School of Macao as a reception and first grade teacher upon graduation from Queen's University.

One of my early significant experiences include being mentored, encouraged and inspired by my teachers and especially, my high school counsellor. Being raised within a challenging family dynamic, my counsellor was responsible for teaching me strategies to develop emotional strength, problem solving skills and build solid interpersonal relationships with my peers. Having seen me through grades 8 to 12, she has inspired me

to help students and those whom I work with to overcome adversity by developing resiliency.

It was during secondary school where I began to dedicate my leisure time towards volunteer work that would help with my career goal of becoming a school counsellor. Shortly after beginning 10^th grade, I joined the Kids Help Phone's national Student Ambassador program where I toured various high schools in BC to raise awareness and facilitate group discussions on current challenges facing teens. During 12^th grade, I became a member of the peer counselling team which involves helping new students adjust to school life in Canada and offering written insight to peers through our school newspaper's advice column. After graduation from secondary school, I further developed my counselling and mentoring skills by becoming a Residence Adviser at Queen's University. Currently, when I am away from my teaching duties, I serve as a Crisis Counsellor with the Vancouver Crisis Centre and Victim's Assistance Unit Caseworker at the New Westminster Police Department. Each Spring, I also volunteer as a guest hairstylist with the Cinderella Project in Vancouver.

When asked about what I have to offer the counselling profession, I am most proud of my ability to engage and establish rapport with both students and new people who I encounter. I am most thankful and grateful for having students and those whom I work with on a volunteer capacity, trust and share with me their personal hardships and challenges.

Within the area of school counselling, my research interests are in the social and emotional development of students, especially as it pertains to adolescent girls. As the issue of relationship safety becomes a growing concern, my goal as a school counsellor is to help young women develop self-confidence, resiliency and a strong sense of identity—without relying on social media and societal gender expectations as a source of positive self-identification. I am also curious in researching the learning needs of male students and exploring the growing epidemic of underachievement in both boys and girls. Upon completion of my counselling degree, I look forward to working with teachers to help students experience success through identifying and reinforcing their strengths and competencies.

Given my experience, work ethic and dedication towards achieving my childhood goal, I am confident and looking forward to completing my graduate studies in Counselling Psychology. Thank you for reviewing my application and I hope to receive an offer of admission for the Fall of 2015.

Sincerely,

Clara Mai-Yan Wong 

Stories from the Jumpseat.

Hi Everyone,

In the new year, I'll be commencing my flying duties again as I have a break from grad school.

This idea has been boiling for some time now and I've decided to blog about it all as soon as I have enough passengers willing to share a bit of their lives with me. Due to the nature of my personality, I've been accustomed to talking with passengers about their upbringing, travels, personal goals, love life and my favorite:

How long have you been happily married? I love seeing happily married couples. Laughing, kissing, still holding hands at age 80.

So watch for these stories in the upcoming year!

The REAL FEAR.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/in-love-and-war/201404/4-reasons-not-settle-in-relationship


Well, there you have it everyone. Four reasons to never settle for a man who is wrong for you. I hear many stories from many women who are deathly afraid of being alone. 

I'll share with everyone what the real fear is though. 

To all the women out there who fear being single. Take off your earmuffs and listen up: 

The number one fear you should have is the fear of NEVER being able to feel TRUE LOVE again if you settle for the WRONG GUY. It is very scary indeed. Imagine feeling nothing but apathy when you wake up next to your husband everyday. Imagine feeling no excitement or a sense of symbolic closeness when you look at the wedding ring on your finger. 

Want to stop imagining such things and start feeling like you've married the love of your life? Then stop settling for a man who is wrong for you. Don't marry him or agree to a second date. Start looking for someone who you cannot imagine your life with. NOW. 

Ask Clara: Submit your questions...

Hi Everyone,

I'm posting to invite those who are interested in  having their questions answered, to submit their questions via this website or my facebook inbox.

There are no monetary benefits to  having this advice/travel blog. I've always wanted to start an advice column of my own and my hope is to reach as many of you as possible who may need insight or assistance. Please feel free to write me about anything, especially issues pertaining to:

1. Relationships
2. Education/Parenting
3. Any questions from adolescents are welcome.

I am a skill development teacher and work as a volunteer crisis counsellor during my days off.  Currently in graduate school specializing in counselling psychology, you can also find me at the library with my nose in the books. :)

Happy Halloween everyone!!!!

Ask Clara: Full Disclosure on a White Plate.

Welcome everyone. This week's second letter comes from Natasha in Minnesota. In a relationship for three years, Natasha wonders if her boyfriend's future plans include her. Is he planning or playing with her? Natasha laid out her expectations again to her boyfriend four days ago and asks him to contact her regarding his thoughts. After saying, "okay, bye", her boyfriend has yet to contact her. 

Thank you Clara.

....it's been really hard for me so far but deep down I know I am doing the right thing. It's like you keep waiting for them to change and it's a lot of broken promises.....

I am a professional. 34 years old. I was with my boyfriend for three years and were living in the same state. I got a good job and moved and the expectation was that he would sell his house and eventually come be with me. All of that was going well. It's only been a month or so that the cracks started to form. For maybe the last 6 months, I have asked him to learn about my culture and religion. Initially he said he would but after repeated promises, he would always have an excuse.  

Other issues are his job..He has a very basic job but does not push himself to do much more than that. I stay with him because the man treats me like gold. Literally would do anything for me and really spoils me rotten. I love how he cares about me. It's just hard. I am losing some respect for him because he does not push himself to have goals and lack motivation. He breaks promises. 

So I laid it on the line. Told him I need my needs met and to stop making empty promises...that was Sunday and so far just silence...not sure even if he comes back now that anything would change. 

I guess I am hoping for a miracle but deep down know that if he cannot even contact me after four days, maybe it's just not going to happen. 

Natasha, 

Congratulations on having the strength to fully disclose your needs and in a way, STANDARDS, to your boyfriend. It sounds like you are aware that by doing so, there is a chance that he may not return due to the fact that he simply does not want what YOU want. 

When a man is in love with a woman, there will be no empty promises and excuses. It sounds like this man is really not interested in making a full commitment to you. If he can't even commit to learning about your religion and culture (which is part of you), what makes you think he would be interested in sharing and building a life with you? 

The other issue concerns his employment. Ambitious and successful women like yourself often pair up with men with similar goal oriented wavelengths. It isn't so much a financial issue as it is a concern regarding emotional compatibility. A man who is unmotivated will not satisfy you and at worse, may cause you to become less motivated as well if you stay with him in the long run. The fact that you have mention his lack of motivation in this letter clearly shows that it is something you are not comfortable with. As the 'breadwinner', would you be comfortable paying him alimony and sharing all your assets if you two were to divorce? 

You mention that he treats you like gold and spoils you rotten. A man who treats his girlfriend like gold will NOT break promises and negate her needs and requirements. I can only imagine that he is spoiling you with material things, by which you can purchase yourself given how financially and professionally successful you are. 

Remember: The goal is to find, marry and have children with the love of your life. Focus on finding a man who shares the same life goals as you. All material things can be purchased later when you BOTH have worked hard to financially afford them. 

You did the most logical and right thing by fully disclosing your requirements to this man. All you can do now is keep staying happy and beautiful and see if he can step up to the plate and fulfill your STANDARDS. 

Good luck Natasha and thanks for trusting me to answer your question! 

Broken Dates, Broken Excuses. (Ask Clara, overseas edition)

Today, Cristina, from Tuscany writes to me asking this question:

Hi Clara, how are you? I'm confused and I need an advice from you :)

I've known a boy 12 years older than me. I'm 20 and he's 32. He is fascinating and a good looking man...But we chatting from 2 months. I never contact him...He always do.

But when he asks me to go out and I accept, he disappear. And the day after, he try to tell me excuses and justifications. Why he contact me everyday if than, he don't wants to go out with me??!! I'm not a petulant girl. I always have the respect of everyone....But this situation has to finish...How can I do?

Do I just disappear and don't answer at his messages, or should I make a speech about that with him?

Excuse me for my English. And excuse me for the bother : |


Thank you Cristina for trusting me with giving you insight to this issue. 

At any age, when it comes to finding decent men brought up to fulfill their commitments, the most basic gesture is for a man to SHOW UP for a date when plans have been made. 

The fact that he has broken dates repeatedly with "excuses and justifications" means this man will no longer have the pleasure of hearing from you. 

What kind of manners was this guy taught by his mother anyways? 

You mention at the end of your letter that this "situation has to finish". Well, I certainly sense your determination to discontinue letting this guy play you like a yo yo. 

Do what you need to do to ensure he never hears from you again. Block him, stay away from the areas he hangs out in, heck, if you need to move to another area, I'd do that too. 

Keep your standards and dignity high Cristina.