Thank you Clara.
....it's been really hard for me so far but deep down I know I am doing the right thing. It's like you keep waiting for them to change and it's a lot of broken promises.....
I am a professional. 34 years old. I was with my boyfriend for three years and were living in the same state. I got a good job and moved and the expectation was that he would sell his house and eventually come be with me. All of that was going well. It's only been a month or so that the cracks started to form. For maybe the last 6 months, I have asked him to learn about my culture and religion. Initially he said he would but after repeated promises, he would always have an excuse.
Other issues are his job..He has a very basic job but does not push himself to do much more than that. I stay with him because the man treats me like gold. Literally would do anything for me and really spoils me rotten. I love how he cares about me. It's just hard. I am losing some respect for him because he does not push himself to have goals and lack motivation. He breaks promises.
So I laid it on the line. Told him I need my needs met and to stop making empty promises...that was Sunday and so far just silence...not sure even if he comes back now that anything would change.
I guess I am hoping for a miracle but deep down know that if he cannot even contact me after four days, maybe it's just not going to happen.
Natasha,
Congratulations on having the strength to fully disclose your needs and in a way, STANDARDS, to your boyfriend. It sounds like you are aware that by doing so, there is a chance that he may not return due to the fact that he simply does not want what YOU want.
When a man is in love with a woman, there will be no empty promises and excuses. It sounds like this man is really not interested in making a full commitment to you. If he can't even commit to learning about your religion and culture (which is part of you), what makes you think he would be interested in sharing and building a life with you?
The other issue concerns his employment. Ambitious and successful women like yourself often pair up with men with similar goal oriented wavelengths. It isn't so much a financial issue as it is a concern regarding emotional compatibility. A man who is unmotivated will not satisfy you and at worse, may cause you to become less motivated as well if you stay with him in the long run. The fact that you have mention his lack of motivation in this letter clearly shows that it is something you are not comfortable with. As the 'breadwinner', would you be comfortable paying him alimony and sharing all your assets if you two were to divorce?
You mention that he treats you like gold and spoils you rotten. A man who treats his girlfriend like gold will NOT break promises and negate her needs and requirements. I can only imagine that he is spoiling you with material things, by which you can purchase yourself given how financially and professionally successful you are.
Remember: The goal is to find, marry and have children with the love of your life. Focus on finding a man who shares the same life goals as you. All material things can be purchased later when you BOTH have worked hard to financially afford them.
You did the most logical and right thing by fully disclosing your requirements to this man. All you can do now is keep staying happy and beautiful and see if he can step up to the plate and fulfill your STANDARDS.
Good luck Natasha and thanks for trusting me to answer your question!
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